A Mother’s Love… The Journey Along The Way

A Mother’s Love

The Journey Along The Way…

I never longed for my mother’s love because the love she showed me was cruel, harmful and inhumane.

Though I never had love from my mother, I was lucky enough to witness what a mom is in the so many friend’s whose mother’s were just that, a mom.

I lived in so many homes when I was a kid and in every one of those homes there was a mom, grandparent or guardian who was feeding me, putting a roof over my head, giving me chores, buying my hygiene products,including me in their family holidays, they let me cry, made me laugh and most of all, they showed me love.

I hate the memories my birth mother made of my childhood. So to long for her love was impossible because it was never there and though she gave me birth, she did not give me life.

I lived most of my life feeling guilty for not forgiving or forgetting my birth mother of her treatment towards me. So many good moms taken so soon in death and there was my mother alive and well.

A simple conversation can need a world of explaining and sometimes it was easier to say my mother was deceased rather than explain why I don’t have a relationship with her in my adulthood.

I tried in my twenties and I gave her nine years, but the lies, deceit and lack of responsibility,  accountability and empathy was too overwhelming as I raised my children as far away from that lady as I could.

I had to grow up and learn to love myself enough to know she could not be in my life as just the look of her face was nothing but a reminder of a lifetime of horrifying flashbacks and horrible horrible memories.

It’s not that I disrespect my birth mother but more of, I respect myself and did what was best for me. Almost twenty years later, I have no regrets.

I thought about should I ever run into her out in public, she would be just another old lady who I would hold the door open for. 

I’m hurt but I’m not cruel. I feel pain but I still love. I am nothing like my birth mother but I am everything she wasn’t. 

I have empathy and sadness knowing how lonely a world her life must have been to think it was ok to stand by a man as she stood by her boyfriend for all those years.  A man who left her just months after I didn’t come back home.

If you have a good mom, like the one I am to my kids or the so many good moms there are in this world… Give her an extra hug for me ♡ 

Its mom’s like me and you who once took in my birth mothers daughter…. And I thank God everyday for mom’s like us ⚘ I may not have had a mother, but I was blessed with love from so many other moms… That it made not having that one mom, so much better knowing I was blessed with so much more ♡

Thank you for reading me, peace and blessings to all. 

And a Happy Mother’s Day to all the mom’s, Stepmoms, Foster mom’s and Fur baby mom’s out there ❤

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