The Journey Along The Way (My Ramblings)

Chalkboard Scratch…The Journey Along The Way

https://shatter-the-silence.mn.co/posts/chalkboard-scratch-the-journey-along-the-way

Explaining my day about 20yrs ago (wait… No 20 is good🤣) 

“It was such a super fun day until the damn chalkboard came out” I said! 

Chalkboard Scratch 

Over the years I would change the chalkboard to a record player scratching it’s needle or ungreased brakes on a speeding rusty 18 wheeler. 

The medical term is what is known as a…

I was a kid when I was staring at a girl in my elementary school, she had French braids in her hair, always dressed in pretty clothes & I just stared at her wondering how much of the color pink or purple she had in her bedroom. I imagine her room having a pink rug, pretty wallpaper & “Catherine” my teacher yelled my name

I felt like the whole class was looking at me 

Sccccccrrrŕaaaatttchhhh is what I hear as chills went through me!

I was a kid when I knew my mother’s boyfriend was going to get into so much trouble for hurting me! 

I knew my mother was going to be so pissed off & maybe make him move out! 

Yup, I knew he was in so much trouble! 

Just wait till my mother gets home!

She has to do something about him now!

Yup, he ain’t getting away with this anymore! 

He is Never touching me again!

My mother will make sure now!

She has to do something! 

No No she will!

Being told to write 500× an apology to my Abuser 

Huh, What, Sccccccrrrŕaaaatttchhhh!

I was teenager who was Moving On, Getting Over It & Not Bringing It Up as I lived the most safest I felt in my whole young life. I worked, continued to get a roof over my head, had many friends & got along with everyone I met. 

I was excited when I filled my 1st tax return. It was in 1987 & I was claiming for 1986 working at the Mall & Dunkin Donuts. 

I also filled a change of address form as I eagerly waited for my first tax return check. 

I had so much plans to buy with my refund.

Only I didn’t get a check in the mail.

I got a letter from the City of Boston.

Inside the envelope was a letter addressed to me informing me to report to my local Social Security Administration Office Immediately! 

We had one right Downton Lowell. 

So the next day me & a friend walked down there. 

I was then shown an endless stream of Xerox copies as I was questioned “Is This Your Signature?” with every copy shown to me

Why, Ouch, Sccccccrrrŕaaaatttchhhh!

I was in my 20s Not Dwelling & Moving On! 

I cry alone so no one knows & it’s all good!

Keeping busy, ignoring questions, conversations & Not socializing because well… what if someone asks about my Childhood? 

No big deal, I got this.

Someone always has it worse somewhere else!

Their your family, it’s all you got!?!

I’ll ask them again about my Childhood!

Maybe they’ll remember then!

Hearing them talk at a cookout of those years in question 

WTF, Ouch, SccccccrrrÅ•aaaatttchhhh 

I was in my 30s Standing My Ground & being a single mom to my 3 kids!

Working a good job as a full time cook at one of my hometown most popular Diners

Distancing myself from anyone who hurt me

Still trying to keep a relationship with my siblings as I refused our mother in my life

Still seeking closure from my Childhood

Still working Courage to ask a brother

Still being told… I Don’t Remember That 

Having a great day at work

Looking forward to a date with cute guy

First half hour into date he says

“So tell me about your Childhood”

Uuuurgh, Not Again, Sccccccrrrŕaaaatttchhhh!

I’m in my 40s now Standing My Ground, Speaking My Truth & Shattering My Silence!

My Support comes from my kids, my friends, police, detectives, lawyers, advocates, doctors & so much more! 

As I dealt with my neck injury & Repressed Memories 

I heard more chalkboards scratching

More needles on record players scratching 

More ungreased brakes on a speeding 18 wheeler 

In the past 4 years than I did my whole life…

As the Medical term known as Triggers scratched it’s way through my life, I did all I could to Move On, Get Over It, Forgive & Forget…

Nothing could prepare me for a car accident as I sat at a red light on my way home from work

A painful neck & head injury, Repressed Memories as my life spiraled while I coped with being a Statistic in a World Full of Abused Children being the Emotional Trainwreck…. Society Expects Us To Be! 

Triggers, Chalkboards, Albums & Rusting Brakes will always Scratch… 

Just know it’s OK too let that itch breathe! 

Thank You for reading my Journey Along The Way!

Peace and Blessings To All ♡